What If They Don’t Forgive You?

(Luke 6:37)

Men have you wreaked havoc on your family and/or community by the pursuit of addictions of any kind; be it drugs, alcohol, work, sex, gambling to name a thing?

The pursuit of any type of addiction is a lonely and selfish journey where our worlds revolve around us and the addictive agent. The people that love us watch in horror as we destroy our lives and hurt them in the process.

The valley of addiction overflows with wounded and hurt people; broken homes, neglected children, lost hope, wasted talent and death.

The good news is that God can redeem us from that pit (Psalm 103:4)! I know because He delivered me from the pit of heroin and alcohol addiction. This year in March I will celebrate 24 years clean and sober from any substance. Hallelujah!

Any robust recovery requires that we forgive those that hurt us and ask forgiveness of those we hurt.

But what happens when those we hurt decide not to forgive us?

I have learned through experience five strategies that helped me deal with that hurtful experience.

1. Realize that you cannot control another person. It is their choice whether to forgive you or not. But it is our choice to show love throughout the process regardless of how hurtful it is to us. Remember overcoming hurt, like grief is a process.

2. Be kind to yourself. Accept God’s forgiveness of your past actions and then forgive yourself. Guilt and shame are toxic and have no place in your heart (Isaiah 54:4).

3. Hurt people, hurt people! Try not to take it personally when those we have hurt intentionally try to hurt us. We overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

4. Set boundaries. Do not accept emotional bullying. Your past is past, and God removed all condemnation through Jesus Christ (Romans 8:1). Do not allow anyone to keep you in bondage to past mistakes (Romans 8:15).

5. Finally pray, pray, and pray some more. God is in the business of healing broken hearts (Isaiah 61:1).

Remember we all deserve to be free of our past. Do not let it define you for one more day!